Blog of Shadows

 I'm not entirely sure where it came from... I mean I grew up in a single parent household. I remember one eviction notice, I remember always shopping at Goodwill or better yet my mom finding clothes in dumpsters for us. Some were good finds but nonetheless. I remember in 2008ish when gas was almost $5 a gallon and my mom couldn't afford but $10 max at the time. So maybe familial, it seemed like there was only ever enough for necessities, accessories of any sort were always few and far in between and I don't think my dad ever made a big deal about it but I always had guilt wrapped around the few accessories I did receive. My dad always had finer taste so the few things he did splurge on outside of meals, were usually nice, but again a lot of guilt. It's so silly but I remember when Aeropostle was huge in my school and all I wanted was a shirt, so my dad finally got me an Aeropostle shirt. White with the tiffany colored logo going down the side, and the first time I wore...

 Light a candle, open your journal and explore: What am i avoiding because it feels uncomfortable? My women's class. The research behind it, the establishing it, promoting it. Talking to other women about it.  which old pattern keeps following me? Trying to fix everyone else's problems, business especially, while overriding my personal responsibility for what could be moving me forward. The pattern of procrastination mixed in with self-sabotage. Where do I need stronger boundaries? There's been a lot of misunderstandings lately with I feel like everyone so putting up boundaries about what was communicated, what wasn't communicated, and how the communication can improve.  What am I carrying that no longer belongs to me? Me picking at my face especially when I'm stressed or in the car. I don't like the feeling of bumps or scabs on my face but when I look in the mirror and see red spots everywhere there's always that "what have I done to myself" feeli...

So I ran my birth chart again and everything was so on point. Questioning my identity, trying to find ways to make money. Questioning my ability to have identity while being in a relationship. The whole shabang.  I was following and then all of a sudden I couldn't when it started talking about the planets going forward and backward and how that affects my moon and sun....  I don't know but the information was on point. So I had the robot give me some affirmations and journal prompts. Here's what it came back with: Your Saturn-return affirmations: I do not need certainty before I begin. I build the life I want through what I practice repeatedly. Not every exciting idea deserves my commitment. I can explore without abandoning what I am building. Structure does not restrict my freedom; the right structure protects it. I am allowed to outgrow a life that once made sense. I choose commitments based on what matters, not what temporarily excites me. My responsibility is not to fig...